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My putrid existence
Nov. 5th, 2025 11:14 am I've fucking lost it this is all over I don't want to do this anymore I chopped off all of my hair when I know I have an image to maintain, I have friends, unfortunately, maybe ones that might even care about me as a person my lips are chapped which is for me the worst feeling in the world. I'm sick, my throat hurts whenever I swallow, my stomach hurts
just kill me already but I can't and I won't I just can't I'm a coward I feel like I just
walked a dry bone dessert. I'm convinced I have seasonal depression. because every fall my life starts going downhill and you can only imagine
how winter goes, then summer and spring is where my life blooms like the colorful flowers in spring then it's a cycle I get ugly, dry, miserable and depressed in the cold seasons
people are like oh Christmas! Snow! Boots and fashion and scarfs! NO NO It's DEATH COLD DEATH I GET MISERABLE I HIDE IN MY ROOM ALL DAY UNDER TWENTY BLANKETS I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ANYBODY MY GRADES?....oh my poor sweet amazing grades I was doing great this start of the year all A's I was filled with motivation I loved my friends I loved my family I loved my cat my dear sweet cat I enjoyed learning new things in school say I might even enjoyed math at some point...but then summer had to end. THEN IT ALL. FELL. DOWN. THESE GRADES ARE GOING TO DEPEND ON MY FUTURE I CAN'T CHEAT I'M GOING TO END UP ON THE STREETS I'LL BE THE FAILURE OF MY FAMILY NO MALE IS EVER GOING TO LOOK AT A POOR DIRTY WORTHLESS PIECE OF NOTHING ON THE STREETS I'M NOT STUPID I KNOW I'M NOT IT'S THIS WEATHER THE COLD I HATE IT I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING I HATE IT MORE THAN BRUSSEL SPROUTS.
and on top of that I'm having an identity crisis who even AM I? why do I have five fingers why do I walk why do I have organs what even are those? why do I blink who what where when WHY? why am I a human? couldn't I be a cow? or something a shark a dolphin why this why me I'm just another lowly human in this world searching for success searching for love, relationships, satisfaction, revenge, desires all of it and I'm just another out of what 8 billion people in this putrid world working to also get a house a family then die? and on top of that especially as a lady you have to look nice I need to be easy on the eyes as some people say but I'm just FLESH BONES AND SKIN IF I RIPPED MY FACE OFF IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WOULD I HAVE TO LOOK NICE ANYMORE?
But it's ok. I need to calm down I just had to speak of my frustrations I am serene like a flower, a cute mouse I am humble and frail.
just kill me already but I can't and I won't I just can't I'm a coward I feel like I just
walked a dry bone dessert. I'm convinced I have seasonal depression. because every fall my life starts going downhill and you can only imagine
how winter goes, then summer and spring is where my life blooms like the colorful flowers in spring then it's a cycle I get ugly, dry, miserable and depressed in the cold seasons
people are like oh Christmas! Snow! Boots and fashion and scarfs! NO NO It's DEATH COLD DEATH I GET MISERABLE I HIDE IN MY ROOM ALL DAY UNDER TWENTY BLANKETS I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ANYBODY MY GRADES?....oh my poor sweet amazing grades I was doing great this start of the year all A's I was filled with motivation I loved my friends I loved my family I loved my cat my dear sweet cat I enjoyed learning new things in school say I might even enjoyed math at some point...but then summer had to end. THEN IT ALL. FELL. DOWN. THESE GRADES ARE GOING TO DEPEND ON MY FUTURE I CAN'T CHEAT I'M GOING TO END UP ON THE STREETS I'LL BE THE FAILURE OF MY FAMILY NO MALE IS EVER GOING TO LOOK AT A POOR DIRTY WORTHLESS PIECE OF NOTHING ON THE STREETS I'M NOT STUPID I KNOW I'M NOT IT'S THIS WEATHER THE COLD I HATE IT I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING I HATE IT MORE THAN BRUSSEL SPROUTS.
and on top of that I'm having an identity crisis who even AM I? why do I have five fingers why do I walk why do I have organs what even are those? why do I blink who what where when WHY? why am I a human? couldn't I be a cow? or something a shark a dolphin why this why me I'm just another lowly human in this world searching for success searching for love, relationships, satisfaction, revenge, desires all of it and I'm just another out of what 8 billion people in this putrid world working to also get a house a family then die? and on top of that especially as a lady you have to look nice I need to be easy on the eyes as some people say but I'm just FLESH BONES AND SKIN IF I RIPPED MY FACE OFF IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WOULD I HAVE TO LOOK NICE ANYMORE?
But it's ok. I need to calm down I just had to speak of my frustrations I am serene like a flower, a cute mouse I am humble and frail.
