I Remember and remember but then I remember again

[interpridfrog]

 Hi there!
yet another entry!
I wanted to write about something that has been troubling me for quite a while well for more than a while. 

Mostly everyone was alive during the COVID 19 Pandemic of course well expect for babies duh but anyways Tik Tok started getting popular and stuff well I never really got into it neither am I into it now safe to say but that's BESIDES THE POINT what i'm trying to say is during the time everyone was inside everyone was WEIRD including myself I loved the anime MHA and Haikyuu and all that stuff anime was really the only stuff I watched in that time and Fnaf gameplays...and I played genshin impact for a while but got more into Zelda BUT I'M GETTING OFF TRACK AGAIN I continue, I got covid around 4 times during that period and well here I am alive and breathing so pretty happy about that but during that time here's the part where I was originally supposed to speak about is that during that time I got super sad or depressed might even say looking back now I am much different now than I was back then. 

My Family was in also a bad emotional state I mean my dad's work was slow we were all inside and bored so that eventually lead to just a bad relationship between us all. We couldn't see our friends as much as we wanted to and that was maybe my last year to going into real school so I was just home SO NOW my past cool, confident, NOT AWKWARD PRIME SELF WAS GONE I can't believe it myself sometimes I was also skinny and athletic to say the least but not I was stuck home no hobbies what so ever NO SKILLS I WATCHED TV ALL DAY IT WAS TERRIBLE a time in my life I never wanted to go back to, I remember crying EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. in the bathroom for what? well I was just in a constant state of thinking that I was never worth well anything that I meant nothing in this world you know? just thinking I was overall just useless and I'm not shifting the blame here or anything but the comments that have stuck to me made from my family had affected me a ton during that period of time. So yeah not only was I depressed I cried every single night for some dumb reason I wrote a pathetic suicide note I had no friends and I was FAT and to just top it off I cut my long beautiful hair off. I REGRET IT EVERY SINGLE DAY so it was a terrible time in my life

Now to when things started getting back to normal.
So after that nightmare I slowly started going out more seeing my friends but here's the thing. I was FAT and I was AWKWARD. yes BOTH at the SAME TIME, I had no sense of style which I guess was normal for my age but my outfits were plain ridiculous and need I mention again I was AWKWARD? still am but it's gotten A LOT better so then years go on I grow up a bit I'm a bit more you know...CONSIOUS and I'm nowhere near as sad as I was back then so that's good. I need to mention...NOW I HATE ANIME I hate it with every fiber in my being I'm sorry to whoever reads this and is into anime it's just I realized the girls are like huge eyes tiny face and mouse voice and the guy is like SEVEN FEET TALL but of course that's not all anime's I just got genuinely bored I could never finish a series and I got into different types of media.  So it's safe to say I have definitely grown to a less awkward person BUT I am a very clumsy person SO MANY EMBARASING THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME HAUNT ME TILL THIS DAY I can't speak of them all there are too many and I just don't want to think of such nightmares again but the list goes on..

So that's about it I must put my bed sheets on and go to bed goodnight!